Get Back To Me

Do you ever wonder why there’s all this stuff out there to make what should be,  good and fulfilling activities better? I do, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this dipshit. Sorry didn’t mean to chastise you just for reading; bad habit of mine, anyway when I think about all the seemingly useful toys and trinkets related to what should be, or were in the past, exiting activities fulfilling, it just makes me sick. You know the extras, stuff someone else decided that we (The ever so needy American public) would buy into just because. Like…. Ok different color (flavored) condoms, in case you didn’t know nobody performs oral sex with a condom on, except prostitutes, and if you think they care what your little friend tastes like your dead wrong. Its pretty obvious they have bigger worries like, oh I don’t know, hmm… buying crack, or paying off that pimp mortgage they will never get a chance to refinance. The color thing, I wont even bother explaining. If you have to figure out what that’s for you need to trade in your squirrel brain and ask God for a refund. Okay ill spell it out, it has no purpose! Your supposed to burry that thing not stand there and look at it! The sad part is I cant blame the inventor, shit if I knew ten years ago that every scared, blue collar ass, would run out and buy a fan with a car filter hidden in it promoting cleaner air for their up and coming sucker kids welfare I would have jumped a plane to China too and opened up shop. But the truth is ten years ago I was taking acid bought from a hitchhiker in the back of my brothers car, trying my damdest to keep the transaction on the D.L, and had no interest at all in what the hell kind of air I was breathing. Matter a fact, in most cases I was trying to get the kind with nitrous oxide in it.  Ooo, good times. Sometimes I come to think the really sad part of our lives today is the want inside of each of us to do less. I know “Work smarter not harder” but let me ask you this, is cooking at home for your self supposed to be work? Do you really need that mini super blender to fine chop your garlic, really? Isn’t that taking away part of the art of food preparation? Are those few extra moments to much to spare for personal touch and quality? How about the omelet flipper? Tell me please, with all the lesions in this life that you have had the common sense to absorb, that you can flip a fucking omelet on your own. Now you might say to this, “fuck you, I like my dam omelet flipper, and my phony air purifier, and my fucking colored condoms too!” By all means that’s well understood by many, many, many of your fellow peers but, to that I say, keep sacrificing quality for convenience, it suits you. Keep buying into gimmicks to make what is already good, better. Forget improving yourself. Last but not least, keep your flavored condoms but remember, hookers only take cash.

By Chet Noob

aka Sammy D

Posted on Thursday, April 10th, 2008